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Five Ways To Get More Sleep When You Have Kids, But Funny, eh?
Now, for the five ways to get some more of that needed sleep, more than the typical night’s rest of 4 hours. Having your kids get no sleep is just not funny, and as parents we know that you just can’t send your kids to bed earlier than normal, because they will then be up at 4:30 am all wide-awake, climbing the walls, and not even close to being quiet either.
1) Here lies the secret sleep answers: You go to bed at a decent time, regularly. Parents need to be in bed at a good early hour. A example of a decent time would be, like the second your kids fall asleep. The nightlife is no fun anymore anyways once you have kids, compared to the laughs and tears you have plenty of while they are at that young age. Now, when you have a new baby to rock as well and feed at all hours of the night, the lost of sleep will collect in the bags under your eyes, like dirt in the heat vent in short order. The good thing is, in about six to eight months, you will start to catch up on your sleep again. In the meantime, all you can do is your very best, with that funny fake laugh of yours, because you know it will be over soon.
2) Before you hit the bed early, write down the one hundred and sixty-eight things to do for the next day on a list. Do this before you try to go to sleep, this way you will not stay awake, thinking that you will forget what needs done. For example: The laundry that is a mountain high and molding in the hamper, and the mold is now annoying the habitat of the thousand or so cockroaches and damp bugs. Those bugs don’t like mold at the best of times, as it makes them cough and gage all nightlong. Organization is key to getting the laundry done and keeping good hygiene, eh. In the morning, you will have to read the list and you see that laundry is at the top of that list in big red letters, meaning a must-do.
A Speed Tip: Jamming the to-do-list in one of the bags under your eye will save a couple of moments in the morning while getting the coffee ready, and buttering the cat. Oops, I mean toast. If you did butter the cat, you have better lick the knife clean before the wife sees all that cat hair stuck on it. (The knife part is a tip for the men of course.)
3) Get the mother-in-law involved: Most mother-in-laws will not bite, when they come over to help you with your mountain of laundry, or to stomp on the scattering cockroaches. If that disturbs her psyche too much, you can get her to just hold the baby for a minute while you do your tap dance.
4) Grab a coffee in the morning, but not in the afternoon otherwise you won‘t be sleeping at night. Try not to exceed drinking 3 cups in the morning, one or two cups are fine, but the more you drink the more you will vibrate like a jack hammer. This can also get the mother-in-law to start nagging on you about your health because she has spotted your twitching hand vibrating coffee all over the place uncontrollably.
Tip: Make sure you have a healthy stash of strong caffeine coffee hiding in your work shed, because the mother-in-law may try to make you drink the de-café stuff. If that happens, drink only a little with a big smile and say, “Funny, this is not a half bad cup of de-café, but I think I need to do some work in the shed for a bit, I will finish it out there, eh.” Than go for the stash without her knowing, eh!
5) Midnight bathroom breaks: Some suggestions are don’t drink a case of water before night-time, and go to the bathroom before you hit the sack. The baby will still wake you up at midnight, I know, but at least you won’t have to go bathroom.
It is a given that kids can be funny and let’s just say, more than a handful with the “wild beast” energy coming to full life the moment you hit the store, mall, or enter the church doors.
Your instinct is to look around for the owners of these rascals. You are embarrassed for the parents of those wild kids that are now ripping the clothes off the racks at a vigorous rate, faster than a family of raccoons in the garbage cans.
But no parents come, and pretty soon everyone is starting to look at you, for some reason! Well I guess that means, they are still my own kids yet.
