Clean Farmers Funny Pro Hockey
Unique funny short stories here at butfunny.com. In Canada cold weather in hockey is realy only 9 months out of the year. The rest of the year it is done indoors on rinks where the ice can't melt in the sun.
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Short Stories Humour
To a good many farmers, the word “bankruptcy” is one that fits into the thesaurus alongside the phrases… “six feet under,” “pushing up daises,” and “meeting your Maker”. To the farmer then, bankruptcy should be avoid for as long as one can possibly stand or at least until spring when the next duster relief and crop insurance kicks in again. Farm bankruptcy can also be avoided if you have a kid playing pro hockey in the NHL. The hockey kid, making the big bucks, can then lend you a couple of million, so you can make it through one more winter. And just maybe, there would be enough money leftover after paying the bank back, to put in one of those indoor flushing outhouses.
The kid’s dad would say, “Kid, you want to own your very own farm some day like your old man?…then skate ten more laps around that rink.” “What’d you say, kid?… your feet are cold and you can’t feel your hands anymore? What’s wrong with you?… it’s only -36C at the dug-out, where we are out of the wind.” And the dad would continue on, “Pro hockey scouts are looking for kids that are tough. Now get going, ten more laps…then practise shooting some more of them *hockey pucks*, before you clean up for breakfast.”
If your kid did not make it to the NHL because of frozen off fingers and toes, the farm is destined to be lost to the golden skyscrapers of Toronto bearing the iconic name of one of the five big banks of Canada. The bank name on the building is of little concern to you or me, for they are all thieving dogs to a farmer, anyway. But they all had a term at keeping the family farm afloat. Managing a family farm was once the dream, and the bread-and-butter of living.
Back in the day, a farm kid could skin a skunk in 20 minutes for a mere five bucks and still smile with glee. Five bucks was a good wage in the years, 1920 to 1930; that was a grown man’s wages for a whole day. Now-a-days, kids have to settle for ipods, text-messaging, facebooking, and all rest of the pointless stuff to get a kick.
Oh, where have the good old, Canadian farmers gone these days? Today, you have apartment flower beds. And maybe, you just can’t skin out a skunk in the apartment without getting evicted either. At least you can pick up your grain farming in your flower beds and take it with you on your way out. Just don’t forget your $5 skunk skin when you leave.
*Note: In the game of hockey, pucks are the six ounce rubber bullets that are shot at speeds of one hundred miles per hour at goalies who must have bags of concrete for brains to withstand that kind of abuse…did I mention the puck in also frozen solid so it hurts more when stopped by the bage of concrete (goalies).*
The Farmer Bankruptcy and the Pro Hockey Kid (Clean Funny)
Is it not kind of funny to see today, only one single large farmer where there once was a great army of small farmers who farmed the flat prairie lands of Canada, like here in Saskatchewan?
These small farms were tended by tough, real mean like farmers, yet stout and solid like steel round grain bins; their husbands were pretty tough as well.
The farmers of yesterday were really tough, and I am not talking about the ability to sit on a solidly frozen, wood outhouse seat with bare buttocks at -40C and not even wince. That is tough but I mean real tough, as in being able to avoided bankruptcy, year after year, for some 50 plus years!
